His right ankle 90 percent healed, Moises Alou was recently activated from the disabled list after running on the basepaths and catching flies. Still no word on whether the Giants outfielder used a sweaty old glove or a fresh set of chopsticks to nab the feisty insects. ?

Originally the ?Brown Stockings,? then the ?Browns,? the St. Louis Cardinals tried the name ?Perfectos? in 1899, only to sound more like an international supervillain conglomerate than a big-league franchise. More to follow on why the name lasted only a year, although many believe the Justice League had a hand in its hasty demise. ?

If you think that?s odd, consider that the Los Angeles Dodgers captured two pennants in six seasons as the ?Brooklyn Bridegrooms? in the late 19th century. So why the name change? I?m not exactly sure, but I?m guessing it had something to do with the players getting married. ?

Not surprisingly, the Cleveland Indians were named the ?Naps? for their first 14 years of existence, if for no other reason than to celebrate the raw boredom that defines their host city. ?

As for the Cubs, they were called the ?Chicago Orphans" from 1898-1902. Rumor has it that the team quickly lost interest in the name upon realizing that it sounded way too much like a Broadway musical. ?

And the Atlanta Braves were named the ?Boston Beaneaters? from 1883-1906, during which they farted their way to six pennants and one playoff appearance.

Something tells me that if"Smooth Criminal" Michael Jackson wrote a song about enigmatic Red
Sox slugger Manny Ramirez, the refrain would go something like, ?Manny are you
OK? So, Manny are you OK? Are you OK, Manny? Manny are you OK? So, Manny are
you OK? Are you OK, Manny?? …

His quirkiness notwithstanding, with 30 or more homers and 100-plus RBIs in 10 of his first 11 full big-league seasons, Manny — not MJ — is the real "King of Pop." ? 

Shortstop Ramon Martinez is
the first Dodgers player named Ramon Martinez since — you guessed it — Ramon
Martinez, who anchored LA?s pitching staff in the early ?90s. ? 

Why do they always say ?paid
attendance?? Other than the players, who isn?t paying? Are random people
getting in for free? Or is this just a way of ?admitting? that a few people
snuck in? And if everyone really is paying — which I think they are — why
qualify it? …

If a walk?s as good as a
hit, is a walk and a steal as good as a double? And is a double and a steal as
good as a triple? What about a double steal? How good is that? Beyond the
confusion, at least we can all agree that a walk?s as good as a hit — a base
hit, that is.

Do you know what the "B.J." in first-year Blue Jays closer B.J. Ryan stands for? Judging by the fact that his real name is "Robert Victor," I’m not exactly sure. Seems to me we should be calling him "R.V.," or possibly even "The Winnebago" (much like his automotive counterpart, the 6-foot-6, 249-pound Ryan is quite imposing). That is, unless he’s been named after his new team all along.  …

The Red Sox recently recalled right-hander Jermaine Van Buren from Triple-A Pawtucket, if for no other reason than to complement fellow ex-presidential namesake Trot Nixon on the 25-man roster. …

Padres southpaw Shawn Estes said he’s "98 percent" sure he?s going to have Tommy John ligament reconstruction surgery on his left elbow. When asked how he arrived at that number, Estes said he was two percent unsure about the move and "just did the math." …

On the road back from inflammation in his pitching shoulder, Angels right-hander Bartolo Colon is reportedly throwing at 50 percent, or a "Semi-Colon." …

Yankees center fielder Johnny Damon, meanwhile, has a broken sesamoid bone in his right foot, debunking the widely accepted notion that the funny bone is a nerve.

They?ve got the "Viewer’s Choice Awards" and the "People’s Choice Awards," both of which draw consistent ratings. So why not take advantage of a choice thing and celebrate the most spectacular groundball force outs of the baseball season at the "Fielder?s Choice Awards"? As for a host, none other than former Tigers powerhouse Cecil Fielder would have to do the honors. …

Does Angels right-hander "Bartolo Colon" remind you of something fragrant, such as a cologne, or something not so fragrant, such as a colon? …

Is it any coincidence that Dave Philly played for Philadelphia Phillies from 1958-59? …

Forget about "The Lone Star Series." And kick "The Silver Boot" to the
curb. The best name for the intrastate, Interleague battle between the
Astros and the Rangers is as simple as Houston, Texas: "Houston-Texas." …

With a Major League-leading two three-double games, Red Sox third baseman Mike Lowell is the LeBron James of baseball. Because he, too, has mastered the "triple-double."

Carl Pavano, who hasn’t seen big-league action since last June because of various injuries and is out indefinitely with a bone chip above his right elbow, shouldn’t be on the maximum 60-day disabled list, never mind the 15-day DL. The Yankees right-hander deserves his own, special list, one that unmistakably reflects what a tumultuous year it’s been for him: The 365-day DL. …

Who’s the athletic director of the elusive Abercrombie & Fitch Athletic Department? Where are its headquarters? Does it have a baseball division? How do I become a member? And does it matter if I’m not a fad-following, mall-meandering teenage boy? …

Is it any coincidence that Dave Philly played for the Philadelphia Phillies, from 1958-59? …

Commissioner Bud Selig’s "three strikes and you?re out" steroid policy
for MLB has sent shockwaves throughout the sports world. And while an
equally clever "three and out" plan has yet to be proposed by NFL
commish Paul Tagliabue, that hasn’t stopped insiders from giving it a
nickname: The Bledsoe Special. …

A’s outfielder Jay Payton considers himself a great baserunner even though he doesn’t steal bases. "I have the speed, but I just don’t steal," said 33-year-old journeyman, who recently swiped his first bag in his 145th game as an American Leaguer. "I know how to run the bases. It’s about getting a good jump off the bat, or getting a good secondary lead." In a related story, zero-time All-Star Jay Payton considers himself an All-Star even though he’s never made the All-Star team. Making the All-Star team, after all, is just not his style.

It’s a good thing former Viagra spokesman Rafael Palmeiro denied ever using steroids, not performance-enhancing drugs. …

Interleague Play is like communism. It works in theory, offering "dream matchups" like Mets-Yankees, White Sox-Cubs and Dodgers-Angels. But in reality, the competitive spirit isn’t all there. …

Prior to George W. Bush, Richard M. Nixon was the last active president to throw out the first pitch in Cincinnati. The location? Riverfront Stadium. The occasion? The 1970 All-Star Game. The political climate? Vietnam ugly, as the nation was entrenched in an ideological war against  ?- who else?  ?- the Reds. …

The long ball aside, there’s no such thing as a bases-clearing hit. Because when it’s all said and done, there’s a guy on base. …

In a frivolous turn of events, an "LA man" is suing the Los Angeles
Angels of Anaheim for sex and age discrimination after being denied a
red nylon tote bag during a Mother’s Day promotion at Angels Stadium.
More to follow on whether the case will be tried in Los Angeles or
Anaheim, but wherever it takes place, rest assured that such maternally
paternal Hollywood favorites as "Mr. Mom," "Mrs. Doubtfire" and
"Junior" will be used as primary exhibits in the prosecution’s
argument. …

Having whiffed 33 times in 105 at-bats, Padres center fielder Mike Cameron is on a mission to make better contact at the plate so as to make better use of his speed on the basepaths. "Baseball’s like life," Cameron said. "You’ve got to be bold or it’ll pass you by." Just like a third strike.

Ask people in Philadelphia about Phillies southpaw Cole Hamels, andthey’ll tell you he’s a mega-prospect, a savior, a future All-Star. But
ask me about Cole Hammels, and I?ll tell you he sounds like a men’s
department store, a glorious hybrid of Kohl’s, Cole Haan and Kenneth
Cole. …

In a startling revelation, Barry Bonds admitted to being conscious of his pursuit of Babe Ruth and Hank Aaron on the game’s all-time home run list. "This thing, it’s like chasing two ghosts, you know?" said the Giants slugger. "I can imagine what Roger Maris went through." Two ghosts, eh? Somebody tell Barry that Hammerin’ Hank ain’t dead just yet. …

In spite of his 22 years, 6-foot-7 Mets pitching prospect Mike Pelfrey is undaunted by the prospect of pitching in New York. "I never feel pressure. … I always tell myself wherever I’m at, I’m here for a reason. … I just need to go out and do it. Just got to put it all together. … You have to roll with adversity. If you can’t handle criticism, you’re going to fail. It’s about turning the page," said Pelfrey, reading directly from his favorite list of clichés. …

Who says pro ballplayers are selfish? Marlins southpaw Dontrelle Willis, for one, gives $100 to injured war veterans for every strikeout he records on the mound as part of "Strikeouts for Troops." Still no word on whether fellow strikeout artist Mark Bellhorn of the Padres will join the cause by donating $100 for every time he whiffs at the plate. …

And I don’t care what the injury report says. Yankees right-hander Carl
Pavano, who hasn’t pitched in the big leagues for 11 months, shouldn’t
be on the 15-day disabled list.

 

Tom Hicks is the owner. Buck Showalter is the manager. Hank Blalock isthe third baseman. R.A. Dickey is the pitcher. Which begs the question:
Can the Texas Rangers possibly sound any more like the Texas Rangers?
…

Seemingly destined for their ninth losing season in as many years of
existence, the Tampa Bay Devil Rays are considering dropping the
"Devil" in their name as part of a larger rebranding effort. And while
the move is anything but official, that hasn?t stopped insiders from
giving it a nickname: "The Exorcism." …

It might sound off base, but maybe a home run shouldn’t count toward on-base percentage. Because when it’s all said and done, the batter’s not on base. …

Is Marlins rookie Reggie Abercrombie a member of the elusive A&F
Athletic Department? If so, how long before the center fielder?s jersey
skyrockets in popularity among trend-hungry, mall-infesting teenage
boys throughout the country? Will it be artificially faded and
fictitiously dated? And what does Fitch think about all this? …

Clearly enjoying pitcher-friendly confines of San Diego?s PETCO Park, Padres right-hander Chan Ho Park recently extended his home shutout streak to 16 innings. More to follow on the organization?s plan to celebrate the accomplishment by renaming the stadium ?- what else? ?- CHANHO Park.

Nothing against the Cubs center fielder, but for the love of consistency, what kind of a name is Juan Pierre? Is the Mobile, Ala., native supposed to be some kind of French Spaniard or Spanish Frenchman? Either way, it seems only fitting that the team’s "Pierre apparent" in center is none other than fellow "oxymoron" Angel Pagan. …

How can it be that baseball’s Giles Brothers ?- Brave Marcus and Padre
Brian ?- are both ranked among the National League leaders in walks? Is
it that a "good eye" runs in the family? Or does it all come down to
patient parenting? …

The baseball thesaurus seemingly has a synonym for everything. An
inning is a frame, a batter a hitter, a pitcher a hurler, a forkball a
splitter, a walk a free pass, an ally a gap, a homer a jack, a bomb, a
dinger. But the save is the black sheep of ballpark terminology. The
save is, well, a save, nothing more, nothing less, blessed with neither
synonym nor antonym. The save is so linguistically neglected, in fact,
that its opposite is the "blown save." Once again: The blown save.
That’s like charging a pitcher with a "blown out" for allowing a hit or
giving a batter a "blown hit" for recording an out. For lack of a
better word, it?s "thoughtless." ?

Was it a strike or a ball? A hit or an error? Was he safe or out? And did he check it or go around? For more than a century, baseball has relied upon the "better judgment" of umpires and official scorers to decide the fate of its game. So why does discretion get thrown out the window in ground-rule situations? A double should be the minimum award for a ground-rule hit, not the only one. Circumstance matters. The trajectory of the ball matters, as does its pace. The dimensions of the field matter. The positioning and quickness of the outfielders matter. And the speed of the runner matters. In most cases, awarding a double is the correct ground-rule judgment. But that doesn?t mean that a "ground-rule triple" or even a "ground-rule inside-the-park home run" should be out of the question.

If Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez is "A-Rod," is former Red Sox and White Sox reliever Frank Baumann "F-Baum"? …

What about Twins right-hander Brad Radke? Is he "B-Rad," or "Brad"? You bet he is. ?

Likewise, Cardinals reliever Braden Looper is "B-Loop," or "Bloop." …

Fellow Redbird Albert Pujols is "A-Pu," or "Apu." …

Rays infielder Ty Wigginton is ?T-Wig,? or ?Twig.? …

Tigers third baseman Brandon Inge is ?B-Inge,? or ?Binge.? …

And Orioles catcher Javy Lopez is ?- you guessed it ?- ?J-Lo.? ?

Even with fragrant All-Stars Bartolo Colon and Aramis Ramirez on board, my fantasy squad stinks. Go figure. ?

Something tells me that Angels right-hander Chris Bootcheck ?- not a Dallas-area orthotics specialist ?- was behind the decision by Rangers right fielder Kevin Mench to check his shoe size and ultimately relieve his long-suffering feet.